Being Self Centered For The Holidays
It's interesting how all things are subject to interpretation, Including how we label the term "Self Centered" Culturally speaking, that tone may say that it's more appropriate to serve others first and that it's selfish to consider oneself before others. This point of view can generate a tone of exhaustion, discontent, depletion, and potentially perpetuating even more selfishness. How do you draw from an empty well?
With the Holiday season in full swing, permitting yourself to be a little more self-centered could be just the thing to bring about more joy to yourself and those around you. I used to have a holiday routine that was super festive and pretty exhausting. I became aware (awareness being the first step in making any change) that this was not very fun, as I began to feel dread starting around mid-summer; I knew It was time to rethink how I was doing some things and, by the way, this keeps evolving.
Pause, notice, and choose; this is the golden rule for living consciously in life and the three words that can carry you more mindfully throughout the holiday season. When there's a stressful or depleting situation, take a PAUSE. Pausing allows us to NOTICE intentionally. By noticing what my true feelings are around any given situation, where I feel dis-regulated in my body, and what my choices are for shifting, I can CHOOSE. Choosing gives us options for moving out of dysregulation. Do I choose to stay exhausted by a situation, or do I find a more helpful solution? Paying attention to the core values making up my WHY can help guide me. Sure it takes paying attention to become better at self-regulation, but we arrive at a better place little by little.
So I became pretty aware that some shifting needed to occur in my Holiday routine. You've all heard it "happy wife, happy life." there's some truth to the old saying taking care of ourselves allows us to have more giving capacity, and filling our joy cup will enable it to runneth over. With that awareness in mind, you build choices based on what truly matters to you (this is your WHY) in any given self-regulating scenario. For me, a priority is to provide a joyful, festive environment. My WHY?…..Because it makes me happy to bring happiness to my friends and family. But trying to get enjoyment from a depleted place was counterproductive. My first order of business was permitting myself to have a change of mindset. I decided that the holiday wouldn't be about focusing on just one big day.
Christmas is one day, but we can enjoy the fun festive season over some time. I guess in this case; it's about the quantity of little bits of quality. With so much family out west, shipping them lots of love was truly overwhelming, not to mention the cost of shipping anymore. With so many options now to direct ship and creatively gift with experiences, that was the first thing that I so happily permitted myself to change up. Can we talk about decking the halls?! I used to do it all, outside, inside, and everywhere in between. Nope, don't do that anymore, and putting away the goods after the holiday became so much easier.
I do, however, enjoy lights and festive decorations inside, so I still choose to dedicate some time to indoor decorating; WHY? Because I enjoy it, and then the bonus is that everyone else gets to enjoy it. Oh yeah, and let's not forget holiday baking, because of course, what's a holiday without mom baking in the kitchen? Well, this mom was exhausted and frankly overeating too many of her creations, but I do have a favorite, and I make it a point to bake them each year, and my family appreciates them even more. Now let's tackle the "monster in the room" gift giving! I love gift-giving, so it wasn't about eliminating my gifts, but it also had to shift somehow. I genuinely do feel more joy in giving a gift than in receiving one. The problem for me there was "what to give" and waiting too late in the game to choose. So an easy fix, I keep a list on my phone of things that I may notice throughout the year as they come into conversation or observation. Probably the more practical aspect for me of gift-giving was to start early. Usually, midsummer seems to kick off my treasure hunting, and that one works out well with the shipping slowdown. We generate more energy and motivation for celebrations, activities, and festivities when we can self-regulate by pulling energy reserves from things that deplete us into those that complete us.
In the big scheme of things, when considering my holiday core values, family tradition, gratitude, compassion, generosity, and celebration fuel my WHY. For you, your WHY may develop from a different set of holiday core values. Take a moment and notice where your WHY comes from and how that feels for you. Motivation comes from a desire to live into your WHY. Living into your WHY requires that you become self-centered; filling your cup gives you that capacity to show up in a way that is healthy, joyful, and plentiful not only for you but for all.
Have the merriest (joyful and lively) of holidays!
XO Donna
